Being Matou Is Suffering
by imprimatur13
Summary: Shinji cleans the dojo instead of Shirou, at the beginning of Fate/Stay Night. A What-If scenario.


_That rotten Emiya..._

Shinji Matou sighed, and punched the wooden floor in front of him. The slats were set up parallel from one end of the room to the other, creating a strong effect of harmony on the ground. That harmony reacted to his punch, making his knuckles sting like they had been burned.

"Shit!" He shook his injured hand, cursing the name of Shirou Emiya, who had the gall to refuse to clean the dojo for him. Didn't he realize it would be his honor to do a favor for him? Not like Shinji let just anyone help him out... and it was pretty disgusting of him to disappoint those girls like that.

He thought back...

XXX

I was walking with some girls, really great ones. I just wanted to show them a good time, but then that idiot sensei who acted more like a schoolgirl told him to clean up the dojo. Who the hell asks the captain to do that? Not like Mitsuzuri does shit around here anyway, have her do it. So I told Fujimura, but she just ignored me. Fucking uppity teacher, acting like that just because her dad was a yakuza boss. Someone should teach her a lesson one of these days, so she'll learn respect. Not like she can run around oblivious to everything forever. Heh... I'd love to see her face when that happens.

Anyway, I didn't have the heart to tell the girls our day would be ruined, so I just walked through the halls with them as normal. I knew that I was being unjustly persecuted here, so I had faith in the universe giving me a way out. No way the innocent could go on suffering like this. The scales had to be balanced, and so I figured that an opportunity would pop up.

Then I saw that Emiya bastard. I go out of my way to be friendly to him in class, even though he's so weird. Walks around like there's a fucking stick up his ass. That student council buddy of his seems positively relaxed in comparison, sometimes. I tell ya, that guy's got something messed up in his head. Maybe it's Fujimura's fault, hanging out at his house all the time. Or maybe he did it to her. Eh, who gives a shit? Either way, they're made for each other. Idiots.

So I asked him, Hey, Emiya, as one friend to another, what do you say to giving me a hand? Fujimura told me to clean the dojo, but y'know, I know how much you loved the place. Would you mind taking care of it for me, and maybe enjoy the chance to see it again?

I expected him to jump at the chance. Guy's usually like a fucking dog, just wagging his tail anytime someone asks him to do anything for him. But he ignored me and said something about Sakura. Apparently she had a bruise on her hand, and he wanted to know if I had anything to do with it.

Like I cared what that bitch gets up to.

Clumsy fuck, she probably closed a door on it or something. She's so worthless, she can't do anything right and ends up injuring herself. And he had the nerve to blame it on me? I mean, fuck it, I don't care enough about her to hurt her. Lazy bitch can go fuck herself. Or let him do it, he's the type to do it with someone like her.

So I told him I didn't know anything about it, and he just said, Well, Sakura said you weren't involved, so...

So? SO? _Fuck_ you, who the hell told you to stick your nose in someone else's family business? I wanted to punch him there, to make good his insult to my family's honour, but I didn't want things to get violent in front of the girls. So I told him that he could make up for hurting my feelings like that by cleaning the dojo, but he said no. Said that if Fujimura-sensei told me to do it, I should be the one to do it. Apparently she'd kill him if she found out he did it instead.

I almost told him I could care less what she did, but the dude's crazy. He might've clocked me right there, and again, violence is bad. I'm a pacifist, doubly so when there're people around relying on me to entertain them. So I swallowed my pride and went along with the jerk.

He seemed satisfied, and he left without even apologizing to me for his accusations. Or to the girls, whose day he had just ruined with his self-satisfied bullshit.

I still didn't plan on letting him have his way, so once he was gone I told the girls I'd just run to the dojo, spray some water, and finish the job in a few minutes. That way, we would still be able to enjoy our time together.

But they seemed like they had swallowed his shit hook, line, and sinker. "Oh, Matou-kun, you don't want Fujimura-sensei to get angry with you!"

Fuck you. I know what I want.

I tried explaining to them that I didn't really care what she did, but they wouldn't listen. Eventually they just left, and told me that they'd see me tomorrow, since they didn't want to be the reason I was derelict in my duties.

Well, screw them. I'll find better chicks to hang out with.

XXX

He bit his lip. Well fuck it, his arms were tired. He was being made to act like a slave, and he wasn't interested in doing it any more. If they wanted it so clean, they could do it themselves. Isn't that what the first-year boys were for?

It was already dark outside. He looked out the window, and decided he should probably head home before Sakura tripped over something else. Maybe he would have to perform his brotherly duties, take care of her... If he had to, he had to. Let her suffer a bit, waiting for him. Serves her right, cozying up to that Emiya, just giving him excuses to harass innocent people.

He dropped the mop on the floor, and left the dojo. He was just about to head back home from the main gate, when he heard the sound of metal on metal. Oh, don't tell me, he thought. Are there punks fighting in the yard? Some people just don't know when to quit.

When people fight, people get hurt. It's not _fun_ to get hurt, and if you fight someone else there's no way you're getting out of it completely unharmed. It's idiotic. If you feel you have to hurt someone, best to pick someone who can't, or won't, fight back. That's the safe way, the _smart_ way. Besides, most of those people seem to like being under someone else's thumb. Crazy, but who was Shinji Matou to refuse the wishes of such people? If their interests and his coincided like that, it only made sense.

A match made in heaven.

He chuckled, happy that those idiots fighting would end the night bruised and bloody. He would be relaxing at home, with nobody but his Grandfather to worry about. Well, that was another issue, but... best not to think about it right now.

He began walking, when he heard a voice.

"Hey! You there!"

Shit.

He didn't know whose voice that was, but he knew that one of those guys - probably drunk - had seen him, and decided to drag him into their pathetic argument.

No way he was letting that happen.

He broke into a run, running faster than he had thought possible. He made it into the school, for some reason. Why did he do that? Eh, fuck it, it was too late. He just had to keep running.

He made it to the second floor hallway, where he had seen Emiya before.

Shit, he thought. My body is too refined to deal with people like this... Why couldn't it have been Emiya instead of me? He was dumb, just like these guys. He'd be happy to fight his way out of this, or die trying. Hell, he would literally be happy to die trying, if it meant he could help someone. What an amazingly stupid person. Why wasn't he here?

"Hey, kid, you run fast. What, are you on the track team?"

Shinji stopped cold. He turned around, and saw a man standing there. He was dressed in skintight blue clothes. He almost laughed at the guy's ridiculous getup, but there was something in his eyes that scared Shinji. And then there was that giant spear he was holding. Red like blood, it was taller than he was. Must've been at least two and a half meters.

This guy's serious.

Shinji gulped.

The guy had a frown on his face, like he didn't want to be doing this. Well, Shinji didn't want him to be doing it either. If they could talk about this like intelligent people, maybe they could come to an arrangement that would make everyone happy. Sadly, it was obvious that Blue Man was too much of a brute to listen to reason.

"What are you doing here?" Shinji asked him. "This is school property; someone like you should get the hell out. We don't need people like you here." He sneered at him.

"Oh? Hahaha," the man laughed. "I didn't expect this, of all things. Well, tell me, kid. What'll happen to me if I stay here?"

"I'll call the police, and they'll confiscate that stupid-looking stick of yours. Did you get lost on your way home from the Renaissance fair or something?"

The man cocked his head. "Hey. Don't talk about my spear like that. I thought you were worth a laugh at first, but I changed my mind. I think, just this once, I don't mind that whole 'eliminating witnesses' thing all that much." He started walking towards Shinji.

"Hey!" Shinji tried running backward, but just fell on his ass. He held out his hands, as if to push the man and his spear away. "Don't come any closer!"

The man stopped. "I'll give you one more chance. If I like your response, I'll do my best to resist my Master's Command Seal. You might be able to get away, who knows. What do you say?"

Shinji was silent. He held a hand in front of his face, as if to block out the outside world, and stop it from intruding.

"All right," the man said. "Tell me this, then. You witnessing me is very problematic for my Master, and by extension, for me. Why should I not kill you right now?"

Shinji took his hand away, and looked at the man. He smiled, a transparent mask overlaying his fear.

"Why should I give a fuck about your problems? Maybe you should consider acting more like a human being, instead of getting in street fights with other thugs on private property."

Shinji laughed.

"Consider this," the voice said.

Then, Shinji felt a cold sensation in his chest.

His eyes widened, and he looked down. The point of the spear was in his left breast. Fuck, it looked like it pierced the heart. Oh, fuck, the blood. It's... so much blood...

The spear shimmered, and disappeared. Shinji couldn't process what was happening. He touched the wound, and felt the hot stickiness of fresh blood.

So, it was real.

He laid down on his back, on the cold floor.

_So, this is how it ends, eh? From beginning to the end, nothing but injustice in this world. If this is how people like me would end up, I feel bad for this world. People like Emiya left to run around like the ugly rabble that they are, this world has no future. I only hope my murderer meets a worse fate. Fix the balance._

With the last of his breath, he laughed weakly.

* * *

"Found him, Archer."

Rin Tohsaka hated that rule, that evil rule that mandated elimination of witnesses. She took great pride in her magical ancestry, and would tell anyone who would listen about the greatness of the Tohsaka clan. Not as if that was an option often, given the Association's being so anal about non-magical people finding out about the existence of Magecraft. The Holy Grail Wars were supposed to be very hushed affairs, which made her question the wisdom of holding them in crowded urban areas like Fuyuki. Sure, the ley lines were there, and that was very convenient for the ritual and all that, but could they just hold the actual _battles_ in the countryside? Only witnesses to worry about there are deer and rabbits.

Killing civilians was disgusting to her, so she was extremely glad to have found the boy. Whoever he was, him showing up when he did saved Archer from Lancer's Noble Phantasm. She at least owed him the courtesy to sit with him as he died.

"You're too soft, Rin," Archer's voice spoke in her head. "Leave him be. He was in the wrong place in the wrong time."

"Shut up, Archer," she replied. "You go and follow after Lancer. If you can't even find out what his Master looks like, then this whole thing will have been pointless."

"Yes, ma'am..." She could feel him rolling his eyes at her, but she didn't care.

She got closer to the form on the ground. She saw the sickly red stain on the boy's brown school uniform, and felt pangs of guilt in her heart. She knew it wasn't her fault, but... she hated it.

She bent down.

Oh, why did it have to be him? Sakura... Sakura couldn't lose a brother. Losing a sister was bad enough.

Rin began crying, and took Shinji's hand in her own. It was cold, cold and lifeless. She knew she was too late. Not even the pendant she inherited from her Father could resurrect the truly dead.

After a few minutes, she wiped the tears away with her sleeve.

She couldn't just sit there. There was work to do. She had to call that fake priest, have him take care of the body and the funeral...

Sakura. She would need someone to comfort her, through this.

She had some friends, but... Rin knew that Sakura wasn't really close to anyone. Maybe Emiya-kun, but she seemed to have some walls up around him too, though he was probably too oblivious to notice.

Rin stood up, and sighed.

Sometimes, the only thing that can heal a girl's heart is the love of her sister. Whatever the current state of their relationship, Rin remembered well their life together before the 4th Holy Grail War, and she knew Sakura must too.

She started walking out of the school, headed to the Matou manor.

What Sakura needed right now, would be to hear someone say, 'Welcome home.'

And maybe Rin needed to be the one to say it.

* * *

**I wrote the draft to this last night, to the music of Kalafina (Red Moon) and Adam Lambert (Trespassing). Both excellent albums.**

**I recently finished the Tsukihime VN (\o/), so I've begun to read FSN. Really great, and so much more in-depth than any of the anime adaptations. While reading the scene at the beginning where Shirou sees Lancer and Archer, I started wondering what might have happened if Shinji was the one who witnessed it.**

**The idea was that there would be suspense as to whether Rin would save him like she did Shirou. As often happens for me, the finished fic veered away from the original plan. Hopefully this was for the best.**

**I have to say... Writing from Shinji's POV is hard for me. Being that I literally love Sakura (this is probably, at least in part, due to Fate/Zero more than anything), it hurt me to have to write anything insulting about her. Which reminds me, I really need to see/read Heaven's Feel.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!**

**(P.S., the title was a quote from a friend of mine when I first watched UBW. 'Being Matou is suffering, being Shinji is deserved suffering.' So Kudos to him.)**


End file.
